It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
