i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
