So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize