Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
