There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
