Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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