Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
