haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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