we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
