after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize