I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
