Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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