i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
