he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
