dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
is it fun? or sober?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
