Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
