According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
