the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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