it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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