Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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