I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
