There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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