I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
