Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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