the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
