I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
