I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this just has baby written all over it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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