She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
