yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
