Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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