so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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