i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
