I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
