my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
