He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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