im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
