i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize