is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
