i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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