This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
