i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
