sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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