We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
