omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
