I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize