my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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