Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
