wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
