I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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