If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
