i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
