i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Your penis caused this!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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