You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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