I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
