I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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