You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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