This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize