you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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