Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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