He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize