this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
