so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
