Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
