is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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