y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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