Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
