I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
