Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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