I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i out mim tonsoeep
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
