if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
