Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
