Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
